


My Star

by ninak803



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Muggle, F/M, M/M, Multi, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:14:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27401800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninak803/pseuds/ninak803
Summary: It all started at a small coffee shop, with a clumsy Remus.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 46





	1. Part 1

“Next please!”  
Remus walked forward and looked at the woman behind the counter. She smiled at him.  
“Let me guess… Earl Grey, extra large, no milk, no sugar?”  
Remus smiled and nodded.  
“So you didn’t sleep much last night? Had fun?”, she grinned a bit.  
Remus laughed.  
“No, not really. I just had a lot to do. So… NOT the things you’re having in mind, Marlene.”  
She took care of his cup of tea, but looked over her shoulder to look at him and winked.  
“Sure, Remus, sure.”  
Remus sighed. All he did last night was going through his essay for one of his psychology classes that was due tomorrow. He spent the last two weeks working on it just to throw it all over last night, because all he wrote was rubbish! And now he had to do the work of two weeks in two nights. So… No he really didn’t have much fun.  
Marlene handed him his tea.  
“Be careful, it’s hot and the lid is loose, so you can get rid of the tea bag later.”  
“Thanks.” Remus smiled and gave her the money. “See you later in class?”  
Marlene nodded.  
“See you later, Remus.”  
He stepped aside to make space for the next customer, then turned around and headed for the door. On his way out he stumbled and spilled his tea. Remus cursed. He looked to the ground to see the rug where he stumbled over. Damn rug.  
Remus heard someone curse quietly. He looked to where the voice came from, right into the face of a man standing in front of him, tugging on his white button down shirt, where a large brown spot was now.  
Remus must have spilled his tea over him. Oh god, how embarrassing.  
The man looked up and Remus looked right into his eyes. Large, stormy grey eyes. Eyes that took his breath away for a second.  
Remus swallowed, then said: “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”  
The other man just waved his hand in a dismissive way, then smiled.  
“Don’t worry, I wanted to get rid of this shirt for a long time now. I just never had a reason. So I guess I have to thank you for ruining it.” he said with a wink.  
Remus blinked. He looked at the other man, smiling at Remus. With a really bright smile, an honest smile.  
“Still… I’m really sorry… I hope I didn’t burn you or anything…” Remus said.  
The other one put a hand on his shoulder briefly.  
“It’s okay. Don’t worry. I’m good, okay? Nothing happened. Have a nice day.” he said to Remus, then stepped forward to order his coffee.  
“Yeah… You too.” he said lamely, after the other one was already gone.  
He stepped outside now. Taking a deep breath. What was that? He glanced back over his shoulder to have another look at that man.  
He was standing with his back to Remus, waiting for his order. He had shoulder long, dark, curly hair. Hair Remus wished he could run his fingers through.  
Oh come on, Lupin. Get a grip on yourself. You literally just met him. You don’t know him.  
Remus shook his head to get rid of his thoughts. He had so much to do today, so he better forget this encounter.  
He started walking through the small park next to the coffee shop. It was a sunny day and it was already pretty warm despite the fact that it was still early in the morning. Three boys were already enjoying the weather, two of them sitting on a park bench and the third, a brown haired boy with a snapback, squeezing himself between the other two. He gave the redhead with the freckles to his right a kiss on the cheek, then the tall blonde one to his left. They laughed and the blonde one said something that made the one with the snapback smile. The redhead and the blonde put their arms around his shoulders.  
Remus smiled. He loved love. And he loved the display of love.  
Remus just didn’t have someone to love at the moment. And that was okay, he’s too busy with his classes anyway.  
Remus sat down on one of the benches, drinking what was left of his tea and enjoying the nice, warm sun on his skin, before he had to head to his first class of the day.

Marlene walked to him after his last class. She was grinning. Remus sighed.  
“I didn’t make you that tea so you could spill all of it over this good looking pal!” she exclaimed.  
“Thanks for reminding me, Marls. As if it wasn’t embarrassing enough, to know that the whole coffee shop watched us makes it so much better.”  
“Any time.” she was grinning from ear to ear now.  
They walked over the campus together, talking about their classes.  
“Okay, I have to go now… I still have so much to do today. See you tomorrow.” Remus said to her.  
“See ya.” Marlene replied, as they parted ways.

“I’m home, mom.” Remus said as he entered the main door of their small one level house.  
His mom appeared at the door to the kitchen.  
“You’re already back, honey? I thought you’d enjoy the nice weather outside!”  
“Don’t have time for that right now. I have to finish this essay... “  
“Oh Remus… You’re working way too much… Enjoy your life sometimes!”  
“Mom… this essay is due tomorrow. And I’m enjoying my life, by the way. I love my classes, okay?”  
“Still… It’s not the same. You’re young. You should go out with your friends, maybe meet a nice boy, have fun.” Hope Lupin said with a worried undertone.  
Remus knew she was right. He did work a lot for his classes, but on the other hand he wanted to finish them as soon as possible, so his mom doesn’t have to pay for everything anymore. Money was short in the Lupin household. They both knew it.  
“I’m meeting Lily on Saturday, after my shift at the restaurant. So don’t worry about me. I’m doing perfectly fine, okay?” he said to her.  
“If you say so.” she still looked sceptical at him.  
Remus sighed quietly and went to his bedroom. He took his laptop out of his bag and started working on that goddamn essay. 

Remus was on the phone talking to Lily, while he was walking home from the restaurant after his shift.  
“I’m almost home. I have to take a shower, then I walk over to you, yeah?” he said to Lily.  
“I could pick you up. Marlene lent me her car, so we don’t have to walk to James.”  
“Oh thank God for Marlene. I don’t have to freeze my ass off then. Tell her I love her, will you?” Remus was grinning.  
“Sure.” Remus could hear Lily grinning as well. “I’ll be at yours in half an hour. Is that okay for you?”  
“Half an hour, then. I’ll be ready.”  
Remus took a quick shower to get rid of all the smells that came with working at a restaurant. He did that on the weekends and on his free days to earn a bit of extra money, so his mom doesn’t have to pay for everything by herself. At least Remus could help her out a little bit that way.  
He changed into a pair of dark jeans and into the warm, maroon sweater Lily gave him last christmas. He walked to his mom then.  
“Lily will be here any minute. I’ll come back late, don’t wait for me. Okay?”  
Hope smiled at him.  
“Have fun, darling.”  
Remus smiled at her while he slipped into his light grey coat. He pulled a beanie over his head,his hair still wet from the shower, as the door rang.  
“Bye mom!” he called over his shoulder as he headed for the door.  
He went outside and hugged Lily.  
They drove to James, talking about their week. Marlene had told Lily about the “Tea Incident” of course. Remus rolled his eyes. Lily laughed.  
“Don’t worry. It’s not very likely that you’ll meet him again. It’s a big city after all.”  
“I know… I just wish Marlene would stop talking about it. She’s telling everyone I know about it, isn’t she?”  
“Oh I bet she is.” Lily grinned.  
She parked the car in front of the building where James’ flat was inside.  
“James told me his new flatmate moved in today, so we’re going to meet him I guess.” she told Remus as he rang the door.  
“Sounds good” he replied.  
The door opened after a while and Remus looked straight into a pair of stormy grey eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Fuck. Fuckig shit. Are you serious? This is a joke, right?   
Remus still stared in these stormy grey eyes. The door opened wider and James appeared.   
“Hey Lily, Remus.” James smiled. “Come in you two!”  
The both of them stepped away from the door to make room for them to come in. Lily kissed James and put her coat away. Remus stepped inside after her, trying to calm down a bit. Maybe he’s already forgotten him. At least that’s what Remus hopped. He’s no one to remember, right?  
Remus took his coat and his beanie off as well.  
“So this is Sirius, my new roommate.” James introduced him.  
“And Sirius, this is my beautiful girlfriend Lily.” he said, putting an arm around her waist.  
“Nice to meet you, Sirius.” she smiled at him.  
“Nice to meet you, too, finally. You know, James talks about you all the time?” Sirius said grinning.  
“I’m not! Just occasionally.” James rolled his eyes, but Remus could see his smile and hear all the love he had for Lily in his voice.  
“Yeah and this is Remus.”  
Sirius looked at Remus again. Sirius' grin got wider.  
Oh no.  
“Right. We know each other. Hiya Remus.” he said to Remus.  
Remus felt how his cheeks turned red. He just nodded as a reply.  
“Wait, how do you know each other? I thought you just moved here?” Lily asked, looking back and forth between them.  
Remus looked at her, but it was Sirius who answered.  
“He kinda ruined my favorite shirt the other day. With some coffee.”  
“First of all it was Earl Grey. Second you said you wanted to get rid of that shirt anyway!”  
“Yeah, I said that, because you already looked really miserable that day.”  
Remus shook his head. Is this really happening?  
“Ah so he’s the guy from the coffee shop!” Lily finally could follow them. She started grinning a bit. “I’ve heard of you!” she said to Sirius.  
“Oh, you have?” he asked.  
“Lily!” Remus scolded her.  
Sirius looked at him.   
Does he ever stop grinning? Those perfect lips, curled up at the end… Wait stop. Wrong direction, Remus. We’re so not going there.  
“Okay, okay what did I miss? Someone’s telling me. Now.” said James. He hates to be left out.   
They walked into the living room. James sat down next to Lily on the couch, he took her hand, squeezed it lightly. She smiled up at him. Sirius sat down on the other couch. The only place left was next to him, so Remus decided to sit down on the floor instead, next to Lily's legs.   
He’s not going to sit next to him. Nope.   
His cheeks were still red, he could feel the heat.  
Remus sighed.  
“So… on Wednesday I went to the coffee shop, you know the one next to the uni. The small one where Marls works. I got my tea and left the shop, I tripped over a rug and spilled my tea. And he was standing right in my way, so I guess most of my tea was on his shirt by then.” Remus told James, looking at his hands.  
He didn’t know why he was so embarrassed? Things like that can happen!   
He looked up to see Sirius’ eyes on him. Remus looked back at his hands.   
Damn. Those eyes.  
“That sounds so much like you, Re.” James laughed. “You’re clumsy.”  
“I’m not!” Remus disagreed.  
“Hell yes you are.” James said.  
Lily nodded.  
“You are, at least a bit. Remember the one time when we were at the beach? With James’ parents? You tripped over a sandbank in the water and broke your toe. I still don’t know how you managed that to be honest.” she said.  
“Guys!” Remus exclaimed.  
Are they serious right now?!  
Sirius laughed.  
“You broke your toe on a sandbank? How?” he asked  
“It wasn’t broken, just… pretty damaged. And that sandbank was underwater and not soft at all. So this happens, okay? No more stories about my alleged clumsiness.”  
“Doesn’t sound so alleged to me.” Sirius said, grinning.  
Remus rolled his eyes.  
“Shut up, would you? Thanks.” Remus replied.

They ordered some food and ate, sitting in the living room. James and Lily next to each other, Sirius on the other couch and Remus still on the floor, still refusing to sit next to Sirius.  
The floor was just perfectly fine. And his back didn’t ache at all, thank you very much.  
Sirius told them he was 20, just moved out of his parents’ house. He’d seen James’ ad at the notice board at the campus, so he called him. And he took the room.   
The two of them were already something like friends, Remus noticed. James was good at making friends and they just seemed to be on the same wavelength.  
“So what are the plans for your birthday, Remus?” Lily asked after they had finished their food.  
“You know, the usual. Mom’s working night shift the night before, so I’ll have the house for me. I thought we could celebrate in? It’s on a Saturday this year. Just you guys and Marlene. Nothing big.”  
Lily nodded.   
“We’re in. And Marlene too, I guess.” James said.  
Remus looked to Sirius, who was pretty quiet right now. Sirius looked at his empty plate, still on his lap.  
“You’re invited, too. If you want to come.” Remus said.  
Sirius looked up at him. And smiled. His smile seemed a bit insecure.   
“I’d love to come. Thank you. Just… when is your birthday?” Sirius said.  
“It’s on the 10th March.” Remus told him.  
“Noted.” Sirius smiled at him.

“He’s an insomniac, I’m telling you” James said.  
He, Lily and Remus were in the small kitchen of Remus’ house the day before his birthday. They prepared everything for the small party tonight. Sirius would come later, he still had some work to do he texted Remus. Marlene’ll be there as soon as her shift was over.   
Remus handed Lily the dish he had just dried off. She put it away into the cupboard.  
“You know, James” she said “Just because someone can’t fall asleep anywhere, all the time like you, doesn’t mean he’s an insomniac. He’s working a lot. That’s what you said.”  
She looked over to him where he put some drinks into the fridge.  
“I know. All I wanted to say is that he was awake in the middle of the night. Again. It’s been the fourth time this week, that I’ve seen him sitting on the couch in the living room, staring into nothing.”  
“Why are YOU up in the middle of the night anyway?” Remus asked him.  
“I needed to use the loo.”  
“You know, you’re supposed to sleep through and not get up every night because your bladder tells you so?” Remus said.  
“Oh shut up, you know I drink way too much water before I go to bed!” James told him.  
Remus grinned.  
“Sure. Keep telling this yourself. You’re absolutely not like an old man.”  
Lily laughed.  
“Don’t harass my boyfriend, Remus. I love my old man.” she said.  
“Oh shut up! The both of you!”  
Remus grinned. The doorbell rang, he put the tea towel, that he was still holding, aside to open the door. From the corner of his eye he catched how Lily went to James and kissed him, both of them smiling.  
Sirius was standing in front of the door, he went inside as Remus opened it for him.   
“Hey, nice house.” he said to Remus.  
“Thanks.” Remus smiled as he led Sirius into the living room. “Make yourself at home.”  
Sirius handed him a bottle of red wine. A very expensive looking bottle.  
“I didn’t know what to bring… so I hope you like red wine?” he asked.  
Remus nodded, blushing a bit.  
“Yeah, sure. Thank you. But you didn’t have to bring anything, really.”  
“But I wanted to.” Sirius replied, staring with those beautiful eyes right into Remus’.  
His heart skipped a beat.   
Remus shook his head to clear his head. Then he nodded.  
“Thank you. That’s really nice of you.”   
He pointed to the armchair and Sirius sat down. Remus sat down opposite him on the couch. James and Lily came into the kitchen a moment later, holding hands. James sat down onto the couch, Lily between them. She put her feet up on James’ lap and her head down on Remus’ lap. He looked down at her and smiled.  
“You good?” he asked.  
“Perfectly fine, thanks.” she grinned.

They were sitting like this for a while, talking about this and that. Marlene was on her way, she just called some minutes ago.  
“So… Your name is Sirius? Like that star?” Remus asked. “Why?”  
Sirius shrugged.  
“It’s a family thing. My full name is Sirius Orion Black. My brothers is Regulus Arcturus.” he answered.  
“Wow, your family is obsessed with the sky.” Remus said.  
He had his hand in Lilys crimson red hair and played with it. He does that a lot. He knows she likes it and he likes to keep his hands busy.  
“S’pose so.” Sirius shrugged again.  
There was a beeping sound coming from the kitchen.  
“Oh the pizza’s ready!” James said, standing up already. “You stay here Remus. We’re doing this.”  
Lily rolled her eyes.  
“And with ‘we” he means mostly me.” She got up too and followed James into the kitchen.  
Sirius looked at Remus.  
“You and Lily are very close.” he said.  
Remus nodded.  
“We've known each other for a long time now.”  
“And James is okay with this? You touching her? Like constantly?” he questioned.  
Remus frowned.  
“Yeah, why?”  
“I wouldn’t want my girlfriend to get touched by another bloke all the time.” Sirius answered.  
“Wait… wait are you afraid, that I’m gonna steal Lily from him?” Remus started grinning.  
“No… Yes… I mean… You could, I suppose? I mean..” he tried to answer.  
Remus laughed now, whole-heartedly.  
“Sirius…” Remus said still cackling “I’m gay.”  
Now it was Sirius’ time to blush. He looked really cute with red cheeks, Remus thought.  
“Oh… I didn’t know… I didn’t mean to assume anything… I mean…” he stumbled.  
“Yeah I forgot the neon sign saying so in my room, sorry for that.” Remus deadpanned.  
Sirius blushed even more. So cute.  
“It’s okay, really.” Remus said smiling.  
“What’s so funny?” James said as he and Lily came back loaded with Pizza.  
“Sirius was afraid I might steal Lily from you.” Remus told him.  
The three of them laughed again, Sirius still red but at least smiling.

Remus went to the kitchen. It was late, really late. Everyone else already asleep. James and Lily were sleeping in Remus’ bed, he in his mom's, who wouldn’t come back until 7 am. Sirius was sleeping on the couch. Marlene left, she sleeps best at home. They had spent the night with board games and some glasses of wine. They talked a lot and laughed even more. Lily and Marlene surprised him with a large chocolate cake, the most chocolatey cake Remus had ever eaten. He loved them for it. It was perfect.  
Sirius was already becoming a part of their small group. He joked with James all the time, like they’d known each other for years. And his laugh was infectious. The way Sirius pushed his curls out of his face all the time… Remus caught himself staring more than once. And we’re not talking about those goddamn eyes.   
A movement outside on the small porch caught his attention, just when he entered the kitchen. He looked outside to see Sirius sitting there on the bench, a cigarette in his hand.   
So he wasn’t sleeping on the couch. Why was he up?  
Remus went outside.  
“Didn’t know you smoke.” he said.  
Sirius jumped a bit, he hadn’t heard Remus coming.  
“Occasionally. When I’m stressed out.” he said, taking a deep breath of his cigarette, holding the smoke a while in, then exhaling it slowly.  
“You wanna talk about it?” Remus asked him.  
Sirius just shook his head, still looking ahead of him into the dark night.  
Remus went back to the kitchen. He made two cups of tea.   
Tea was his solution for everything. Well… Not for everything, obviously, but it helps to calm down. At least it helps Remus.   
He took the cups and then the blanket from the couch on his way outside again. On the small round table in front of the bench he put the tea. Then he sat down next to Sirius and wrapped the blanket around their shoulders.  
Sirius looked up to him.  
“Thanks.”  
Remus nodded.   
They sat outside in silence for a while, Remus with his knees drawn up to his chest, his hands holding his cup to warm them, Sirius still smoking.  
“What does your mom do?” Sirius asked quietly, as to not disturb the silence around them.  
Remus kept looking at the night sky.  
“She’s a nurse.”  
“Oh that’s nice.” Sirius said.  
Remus smiled.  
“She’s the best. She always takes a night shift the day before my birthday, so that she doesn’t have to work on my birthday. You know, the part of the day when I’m awake actually. She spends the day with me every year, even though she’s tired after work. I love her. She does so much for me...”  
Remus could hear Sirius sigh. Remus looked at him. He seemed exhausted suddenly. Something still occupying his mind.  
“What about your dad?” Sirius asked him now.  
Remus shrugged.  
“I don’t know him. He left my mom before I was born. Never met him.”  
“I’m sorry.” Remus could see concern in those stormy grey eyes.  
“It’s okay. I have her. I don’t need him.”  
They sat in silence once again.  
Remus laid his head on Sirius' shoulder, slowly, so he’d catch any wince and he could sit back upright as if nothing had happened.   
But Sirius didn’t move.  
“You cold?” he asked instead.  
“Always actually, but it’s not too bad. Don’t worry.”  
“Okay” Sirius said as he put out his cigarette butt.  
“I have a tattoo. It’s the canine constellation.” Remus admitted shyly.   
The star ‘Sirius’ is the brightest star in this constellation, he knew this. He had to think about it immediately, when James told them Sirius’ name the first time. And he never stopped thinking about it.  
“Oh yeah? Show me.”, he said eagerly now.  
Remus set up straight and pushed the sleeve of his shirt up to his shoulder, so Sirius could see the tattoo on his upper arm.   
Sirius touched him slightly and Remus felt like his skin was on fire.  
“That’s me.” Sirius said smiling. “Sirius is the brightest star of Canis majoris, did you know that?”  
“I knew, actually.”  
“Why did you get it?” Sirius asked, touching his arm once again.  
Remus shrugged, pulling his sleeve down to cover his arm.  
“I love the sky. It’s beautiful. And I don’t know. It just felt right to get it, you know?”  
Sirius nodded.  
“I like it. Really.”  
“Thanks”, Remus said.  
He laid his head back on his shoulder.   
“How did you know?” Sirius asked softly.  
“Know what?”  
Sirius remained silent for a moment, then said: “That you’re gay.”  
“Ah… I figured it out in middle school. All of my friends started to talk about girls and how they couldn’t talk to them. And I just didn’t get what all the fuss was about. It’s easy to talk to girls. When this new guy came into my class, I had my first crush and I wouldn’t stop talking about him to my mom. She figured it out weeks before me, I guess.” Remus said, smiling at the thought.  
“And she’s fine with that?” Sirius asked doubtfully.  
“Of course she is. She supported me from the moment I came to her and told her. Probably even before that. It doesn’t change who I am, does it?” Remus looked up to him.  
“Guess it doesn’t, no.” Sirius said.  
“Why’d ask?”  
“Just curious.” he answered, but Remus got the feeling that there was more behind that question than Sirius would admit right now, but he didn’t want to push.  
So they sat there, drinking tea, both of them lost in their own thoughts, and watched the sun rise.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's still Remus' birthday! :)

Remus and Sirius just came back inside and sat down on the couch together, when the main door opened and Hope stepped in. She looked at the two of them and smiled.  
“You’re already up, Honey?” she asked Remus.  
“Didn’t sleep.” he said, smiling back at her.  
Remus got up from the couch and she pulled him in for a hug.  
“Happy birthday.” she said, she didn’t let him go for a while.  
“Thanks mom.” Remus said, hugging her.  
When she finally let go, Remus looked at Sirius, who watched the whole scene with an odd expression on his face.  
“Oh right. Mom you didn’t meet Sirius before, did you?” Remus asked.  
“Nice to meet you, Sirius. I hope you had a good evening?” Hope said.  
He nodded.  
“Yes. Thank you, Mrs. Lupin.”  
Hope waved her hand.  
“It’s Hope, sweetheart. So are you hungry? You’d like some waffles Remus?”  
Remus smiled.  
“You’re tired. You don’t have to do this mom. Go and get some sleep.”  
“It’s your birthday. I want to make you breakfast. Come on now.”  
They went into the kitchen together, Sirius following them.  
“Would you like some coffee, Sirius?” Remus asked him.  
“I’d rather take some tea, thank you.” he answered.  
Remus nodded.  
“For you mom?”  
“Tea would be lovely.” she said, while she prepared the waffle batter.  
Remus made tea for them. He handed one cup to Sirius, who still watched him with an expression, Remus couldn’t quite figure out what it means.  
While helping his mom with the waffles, he could feel Sirius eyes on him. Remus turned around and smiled at him.  
“You’re alright?” he asked.  
Sirius shook his head slightly, then nodded. Remus raised an eyebrow.  
“Just tired, that’s all.” Sirius smiled at him.  
“Are those Hope Lupins famous waffles I can smell there?” they heard James' voice before they saw him.  
He came into the small kitchen followed by Lily. They both kissed Hope on the cheek before they sat down, Lily on his lap. James wrapped his arms around her.  
“Good morning James, good morning Lily.” Hope said to them.  
“I knew the smell would wake you.” Remus grinned at James.  
“I’d never oversleep those waffles.” he said.  
Remus gave them both a cup of tea.  
“Did you sleep well?” he asked them.  
They both nodded.  
“And you?” Lily asked him  
“Didn’t sleep, actually. But I had good company.” Remus said and looked at Sirius.  
“Sorry for keeping you awake.” he said.  
“You didn’t. I wanted to stay, didn’t I?” Remus answered.  
Sirius nodded.  
Hope put the waffles on the small round kitchen table. She and Remus sat down and they all began to eat.  
“It’s perfect, mom.” Remus said to her.  
“Thanks.” she smiled.

When they finished, James and Lily got up and cleared the table. Remus wanted to get up too, but James put a hand on his shoulder.  
“You two just sit here and let us do the work okay? Drink your tea. We handle this.” James said.  
Sirius got up and helped Lily and James to clean the dishes.  
Remus watched them, smiling, his hands around his cup.  
James’ hands were full of foam and they came very close to Sirius' face, before he noticed. Sirius laughed and shoved James with his shoulder away. James shoved him too. Then Sirius wiped some foam from his face, still laughing, shaking his head at James.  
That was the moment when it hit Remus.   
If he wasn’t more careful, he would fall for Sirius.  
No.  
He already was falling for him, he realised.  
Remus frowned. When did this happen?   
He thought about last night. He told himself he just sought for some warmth in the cold night, when he put his head on Sirius’ shoulder. It was clearly just for the warmth, not to be close to him. Wasn’t it?   
Well… obviously not.  
He watched Sirius, love struck.  
“Are you alright, Sweetheart?” his mom asked softly.   
She reached over the table and put her hand on his. Sirius turned around and looked at him, his head tilted slightly to his right. He gave Remus a small smile and Remus’ heart skipped a beat. Maybe two.  
Remus nodded.  
“I’m just knackered.” he said and smiled at her, what he hoped looked reassuring.  
She didn’t buy it. 

“Are you coming over tonight? I’m cooking.” James said as they said their goodbyes at the door.  
Remus looked at him, horrified.  
“It’s my birthday, I don’t want to die today James.” Remus said dryly.  
Lily laughed, Sirius chuckled.  
“Don’t worry, I’m supervising him, I promise.” she said.  
“Hey I can cook, okay?!” James exclaimed.  
“Yeah, someone's last meal maybe.” Lily said “But don’t worry, I love you anyway.”  
She kissed him, then looked at Remus.  
“So you’re coming?” she asked.  
Remus nodded.  
“See you later.” he said to the three of them.  
Sirius smiled at him.  
“See you later. Enjoy the rest of your day. Try to get some rest.” he said.  
Remus flushed a little bit as his eyes met Sirius’.   
“You too.” Remus smiled back at him. He was smiling a lot lately he noticed.  
He watched them leave in Sirius’ car, then closed the door. He walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch, cuddling himself into the blanket he and Sirius shared just some hours ago.  
“I’m going to get some sleep.” his mom said as she entered the living room.  
Remus nodded.  
“Me too. Sleep well.” he said.  
Remus laid down on the couch and started to fall asleep instantly, the faint smell of Sirius surrounding him.

Hope sat down on the couch next to Remus, she held a bowl full of popcorn in her hands. They both slept for some hours and now they planned on watching shitty TV shows for the rest of the afternoon, before Hope had to go back to work for another night shift.  
“So… This Sirius boy seems to be nice.” Hope tried to start the conversation inconspicuous.  
“He is, I guess?” Remus said uncertainly.  
She smiled at him.  
“You like him.” that wasn’t a question.  
“I mean… yes? We’re friends mom” Remus replied.  
“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”  
Remus sighed.  
“I know… I just figured that out today. How do you know already?”   
“I know you, I’ve seen the look on your face. When you watch him, when you think no one is watching you.” she said lovingly.  
“I hope he didn’t notice that…”  
“Why? Maybe he likes you the same way.”  
“Not a chance. He’s not gay.” Remus said.  
“Did you ask?”  
“No.”  
“Then how do you know?”  
“Well… Okay I don’t know for sure. He just didn’t give anything away, any sign that he might be interested in me. And to be honest, how much luck do I need for him to be gay AND to like me that way? I’m not that lucky.” Remus sighed again.  
“You never know.” she smiled at him.  
“Enough of that now… I want to watch this cooking show with the bad cooks with you. Okay?”  
Remus reached for the popcorn.   
“Okay, just remember you can talk to me. About anything.” she said.  
“I know mom. Thank you.”

Remus stood in front of his wardrobe. He tried to get ready for the evening at James’ apartment. And Sirius’ apartment. And that’s where the problem was. He had no clue what to wear.   
It’s not like it would matter, actually. But he still wanted to look good, at least decent. Remus ran his fingers through his hair, a bit lost.  
Fuck it.   
He took his navy blue hoodie out of his wardrobe and pulled it over his head. It’s still cold outside at night, even though the days get pretty warm already, so he’d better wear something warm. He had to walk the whole way.  
He ran his fingers through his hair again, looking into the mirror.   
Come on now, Remus. He’s just another guy. You just spend the night with your friends.  
He sighed and put on his coat.   
The hood pulled deep in his face to brace himself against the cold Remus stepped outside.  
The whole way his thoughts circled around Sirius. He got more nervous the closer he came to their apartment.   
Remus took a deep breath before he pressed the bell. Only seconds later the door was opened and once again Remus looked into a pair of stormy grey eyes. Once again his heart skipped a beat.  
Sirius smiled at him.  
“Come in Birthday Boy. The food is almost ready.” he said.  
Remus stepped inside.  
“It smells… delicious.” Remus said surprised.  
“Thanks to Lily.” Sirius grinned.   
“Makes sense.” Remus answered.  
He took off his coat and pulled the hood back from his head. Sirius watched every movement.  
“What?” Remus asked.  
Sirius didn’t answer immediately.   
“Nothing. I like the colour of your hoodie. It suits you.”  
Remus bit his lip shortly, then said: “Thank you.”  
They entered the kitchen together, where James and Lily were setting the table.  
“Hiya Remus! I made lasagna!” James told him as he saw him.   
Remus sat down.  
“It smells really good, James.” Remus said honestly.  
“I’m sorry if it’s a bit burnt. I told him to watch the lasagna in the oven while I prepare the salad. He got distracted.” she shot Sirius an angry look.  
He held his hands up in an appeasing way.  
“I’m sorry, I had to show him this video with this dog. Thought he’d like it!”  
“I did.” James grinned.

When they finished dinner, which was perfect even if slightly burnt on the edges, Lily got up.  
“We didn’t give you your birthday present yet!” she said and left the room.  
Remus helped James and Sirius to clean the table. Remus reached for the last plate the same moment as Sirius did and their hands touched. Just a second. A short moment, but Remus' whole hand was on fire. He pulled his hand away.  
He looked at Sirius.  
“Sorry…” he mumbled.  
Sirius shook his head, cheeks a bit red. Maybe Remus just imagined that. Sirius took the plate and turned around to put it in the dishwasher. Remus watched him, swallowed, then turned around to see Lily standing in the door, waiting for them. A smile on her face.  
“Come on.” she led them all into the living room.  
She and James sat down on the one couch.   
Remus sighed internally. He wouldn’t sit on the floor this time. This would be weird, wouldn’t it? Which means, he had to sit next to Sirius.   
So he surrendered to his fate and sat down next to Sirius, their knees touching. It’s a small couch.  
Lily handed him a beautifully wrapped present.  
“Open it. It’s from the three of us.” she said, biting on her fingernail.  
She does that, when she’s excited or nervous.  
Remus opened it carefully, he didn’t want to destroy the beautiful paper.  
“You know you can just tear the paper, right?” James said impatiently.  
“Shut up.” Remus told him, opening the present even slower just to annoy him.   
When he finally had removed all the paper, he held a beautiful, dark leather bag in his hands. He touched the leather, it was very smooth and he liked it. A lot.   
Remus looked up from the bag in his hands to Lily. She was smiling all over her face.  
“For your laptop. Your bag is… well it has seen better days. So we thought this might be a good present. What do you think?” she asked eagerly.  
Remus was speechless for a moment.   
“It’s perfect. This is absolutely perfect Lily. I love it. Thank you.” he said, smiling at his friends fondly.  
He looked to his left, where Sirius was watching him.  
Sirius smiled at him.  
Those lips… Those perfect lips.  
Remus caught himself staring at them. He cleared his throat and looked back at Lily and James.  
“When is your last exam this semester, Remus?” James asked him.  
“In 3 weeks. Don’t remind me. God. I should be learning right now. But my mom would kill me.” Remus sighed.  
It was the end of the semester and he still had 4 exams to take.  
James nodded.  
“But she’s right. It’s your birthday and I bet you already know everything. You’re smart.” he said.   
“Not everything…” Remus said abashedly.  
“Anyway.” Lily interrupted him. “James and I thought we all should go on a small vacation, when the semester is over. I know money is short, Re. We’re all short of money. Well most of us.” she glanced at Sirius for a moment.  
“But James found that cute small flat near the beach where we were with his parents last year. And Sirius could drive.” she told Remus.  
“You know I have to work during the semester break, Lily.” Remus told her.  
“Just a long weekend. You’ve earned it. We all have!” she said.  
Remus groaned.  
“Lily…” he said.  
Sirius shoved him with his shoulder. Remus looked at him.  
“Come on. It’ll be fun. I promise.” he said to Remus.   
Remus rolled his eyes, then sighed.  
“Fine. But just four days, did you hear me?” he looked at them.  
They all nodded, excitedly.

Remus stood up later that evening. It was already late and he had to walk back. He had to get up at 6:30am tomorrow.  
“I have to go now. Thank you for the nice evening. And for the bag. I love it.” he smiled at them.  
Sirius stood up too.  
“You want me to drive you? It’s cold outside…”  
Remus looked at him. His heart beating faster at the thought of being alone with Sirius. In his car.  
His brain said: No. Walk home. Alone. Be reasonable.  
His heart said: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes!  
Remus nodded.   
“That would be very nice of you. Really.” he said.  
So he took his coat and followed Sirius to his car. Remus looked at it. It was shiny and black. Big enough to be comfortable for the four of them to drive the whole way to the sea. He entered the car, moved his hand over the black leather seat.  
“Nice car.” he said to Sirius.  
“Thanks.” he answered as he started the engine.  
Remus looked out of the window. He took some deep breaths to calm himself down a little bit. That didn’t help. The whole car smelt so good… It smelt like… Sirius. Damn. That wasn’t helpful at all  
Remus bit his lower lip. Damn. Just… Try to act normal. Don’t do something weird. Don’t be weird.  
“I like your mom.” Sirius said after a while.  
“Yeah? I guess she likes you too.” Remus answered. “You had a funny expression on your face this morning, when she hugged me. Why?”  
Sirius was quiet for some heartbeats. He didn’t look at Remus when he spoke.  
“I’m not really used to this… to… My family isn’t really the affectionate type, I guess. I was just surprised to see all this physical affection. That’s all.”  
Remus raised an eyebrow.  
“Okay? But you surely have been hugged by your parents, right?” Remus asked.  
Sirius laughed a small, sad laugh.  
“Can we please change the subject?”  
Remus swallowed.  
“Yes… Sure. Sorry… I didn’t want this to get too personal… I was just curious.”  
“It’s fine. I just don’t like talking about my family.” Sirius said.  
Remus kept looking at him.  
“So… did you get some sleep?” he asked after a moment.  
Sirius nodded.  
“Yes… I slept for 2 hours. It would’ve been more, but James woke me. He just burst into my room to show me that flat he and Lily were talking about earlier.”  
Remus grinned.  
“That sounds so much like James.”  
Sirius nodded. He parked the car in front of Remus’ house, then he got out of the car. Remus followed him.  
Was Sirius walking him to the door? Oh! Yes he was.   
They walked up the porch together, standing in front of the main door. Remus turned around and looked at Sirius. He caught Sirius staring at his lips, just a second, before his eyes locked with Remus’.  
“Are you alright?”, he wanted to ask, when he suddenly felt some very soft lips on his own.   
His mind went blank. Everything went white behind his eyes.   
Until he realised that Sirius was kissing him. He kissed him!   
In a split second every colour of the universe exploded in his head, it was like seeing colours for the very first time. He could see a sunny yellow, marine blue, grass green, mauve and one colour that was present the whole time. A stormy grey.  
Remus put a hand on Sirius' cheek and returned the kiss softly, lovingly. His heart beating a hundred miles per minute.  
Sirius pulled away too soon. Remus looked at him, smiling.  
But all Sirius’ face showed was confusion. Then the confusion made room for another emotion.  
Panic.   
Panic was written all over Sirius’ face.  
“Sirius…” Remus said, but it was too late.   
Sirius was already next to his car, stepping inside and driving away.


	4. Chapter 4

No.  
No. No. No.  
Remus took the few steps down from the porch, but Sirius was already gone.  
Fuck.  
That wasn’t good. I mean… The kiss was good. But Sirius' reaction wasn’t.   
What is Remus supposed to do now? Act like nothing had happened? Talk to him? Don’t talk to him? Talk to him, but not about this?  
Remus touched his lips slightly, where just moments before Sirius' lips were.  
It was perfect. A small, innocent kiss. It felt honest. It felt right.  
At least for Remus.  
He went back inside. There wasn’t much he could do about this today. It was late, he had to get up early tomorrow. He’ll figure it out then.

He didn’t figure anything out.   
Remus was occupied with studying for his upcoming exams, he had to work on the weekends. Even more now, because of that trip to the beach. He wasn’t sure if it was still planned or if Sirius had already cancelled it.  
When he met James with Lily at James’ apartment, Sirius was either in his room and not leaving it until Remus left or Sirius was not there at all.   
Remus tried to talk to him, he really did. But Sirius didn’t give him a chance.   
They met once in the coffee shop near the campus. Remus had already ordered his tea, when Sirius stepped to the counter. The moment he saw Remus, he turned around and left. Mumbling something like “lots of work to do” under his breath. He didn’t even order.  
Marlene gave Remus his cup of tea, one eyebrow raised.  
“What the hell was that? What did you do to him?” she asked Remus.  
“I have no clue…” he answered, which wasn’t a lie actually.  
He didn’t know what he'd done wrong. He hadn’t done anything. Well he had kissed him back, but would it have been any better if he hadn’t?  
Remus shook his head. His heart was heavy. He missed Sirius. He missed looking at him, hearing his laugh, the puzzled expression he had sometimes. Remus was longing for him.  
The best thing he could do now was concentrating on his exams he decided. So he did that. He tried at least.   
More than once his thoughts wandered back to their kiss on the porch. And more than once he wanted to go to Sirius and ask him what the fuck this whole situation was right now.  
But he didn’t.   
Of course he didn’t do that.   
He’d seen Sirius confusion. He had a lot to process right now, so Remus didn’t want to push him. He would have pushed Sirius just further away from him with cornering him.  
So he did nothing, except learning, writing his exams, working to earn some money for the trip (which still wasn’t cancelled surprisingly) and daydreaming about Sirius.   
The last part he did a lot, to be honest.

Remus threw some clothes in his bag, when his phone rang.  
“Yes?” he answered.  
“We’re picking you up in 10 minutes. Are you ready?” Lily asked him, Remus could hear that they were already in the car driving here.  
“Yes, I’m almost done with packing up. See you in 10.” Remus hung up again.  
He sighed.  
So they were doing this.   
The whole trip.   
With Sirius.   
Well if that doesn’t sound like fun.  
The bell rang, Remus took his bag and left his room. His mom was already at work, but she had made them sandwiches for the drive, so they don’t have to starve. He took the bag with the food from the kitchen table and went outside. Lily was waiting for him. She smiled.  
“You ready?” she asked.   
Remus nodded. They walked to Sirius’ car, waiting on the driveway. Lily climbed onto the backseat next to James, what meant, that Remus would be riding shotgun.  
Next to Sirius.   
A whole 4 hour drive.  
Remus sighed and then got into the car. He took a deep breath and looked to his left at Sirius, then turned around to the backseat.  
“My mom made us sandwiches.” he said and handed them to James.  
“Damn, I love your mom.” he said as he took a bite from one sandwich.  
“You literally ate 10 minutes ago, James.” Lily said, rolling her eyes.  
James shrugged.  
“I’m hungry? Again? Sorry?” he grinned and kissed her on the cheek.  
Remus turned back to see Sirius was watching him. Sirius gave him a small smile and then started the engine. 

The car ride was actually quite nice to Remus' surprise. Remus and Lily talked about their exams, when James chimed in and said:   
“It’s semester break. I don’t want to hear anything about exams until the next semester. Did you get me?”  
“Just because you failed at least one of yours.” Lily said.  
“I did not. I did pretty okay. I guess. I just want to relax now!”  
So they talked about their plans for the break instead. Lily and James were going to visit James’ parents for two weeks and then visit Lily’s family together.  
“What did you plan?” Remus asked Sirius.  
“You know… I don’t study, so I don’t have break at the moment. I just continue with my work.” he said.  
Remus nodded a little bit. Right.  
He must have dozed off at some point, because when a hand touched his shoulder and Remus opened his eyes, the car was parked next to a small house. He looked to his left where Sirius’ hand was still lying on his arm. He looked at him and smiled a little bit.  
“Thanks for waking me up.” Remus said.  
“You’re welcome” Sirius answered while moving his hand away.  
They both got out of the car, took their luggage from the trunk and followed James and Lily into the house.  
It was a small house, but very nice. It had a kitchen with a table and four chairs in it, a living room with a couch and a TV, a bathroom and two bedrooms. There was also a porch with a view to the sea. It was perfect.  
“So… You two are okay with sharing a room?” Lily asked Remus and Sirius.  
Oh.  
Right.  
Lily wouldn’t share with him. She was sharing with James of course.  
Which means he had to share a room with Sirius.  
Oh my god.  
Why hadn’t he thought about this earlier?!  
Okay. Okay try to play it cool, Remus. It’ll be okay.  
So he nodded a little bit.  
“Yes it’s alright, of course.” Sirius said.  
He was looking at Remus, a little bit longer than usually.  
Remus cleared his throat, then said:  
“Yeah, sure. Yes. Of course.”  
That’s so not playing it cool, Remus.  
Lily shot him a funny look, but then she just shrugged, took James by the elbow and went with him into one of the bedrooms. Remus took his bag and went into the other bedroom, followed by Sirius. He sat down on the bed, looking up at Sirius, who was standing in the middle of the room, looking around.  
He looked at everything except Remus.  
“Are you sure, you’re okay with sharing?” Remus asked “You didn’t even talk to me for the last three weeks”  
Awkward silence.  
“I’m okay… Can we... Can we talk about… it… later? I need to take a shower.”  
Sirius finally looked at him.   
Oh how Remus had missed those eyes. His heart skipped a beat.  
He nodded and watched Sirius unpack. When he left for his shower, Remus started unpacking.  
Sirius wanted to talk. Talk about it. And with “it” Remus really hoped he meant the kiss. And he really hoped Sirius wouldn’t say it was just a mistake. That it didn’t mean anything.  
Remus swallowed. He took his book out of his bag and went into the living room. He lied down onto the couch and started reading.  
Well he tried to. His mind wandered elsewhere. How is he supposed to stay calm?  
He could hear the water running in the bathroom. He thought about Sirius standing under the water… Woah. Nope. No. That’s not a thing to think about right now.  
He tried to focus on his book again.   
When Lily came into the living room, he hadn’t managed to read a single page. She sat down next to him.  
“We need to do some grocery shopping.” she said.  
Remus put his book aside.  
“Guess so.” he said.  
“Are you okay?” she asked him.  
Remus nodded.  
“I’m good. It’s nice to be out of the town. Maybe I can relax for once.”  
“That’s the plan.” she smiled.

All four of them went to do some grocery shopping together, after Sirius had finished his shower. He went into the living room, fully dressed, his hair still wet from the water and Remus could smell a hint of his shampoo.  
He felt the tension rise in the room, but maybe he just imagined it. It’s not very likely that he’d survive this weekend. Goodbye sanity.  
Lily and Remus cooked together while James and Sirius caused chaos in the living room.  
“What are they doing?” Remus asked Lily.  
“I don’t know and I really don’t want to know. They are like this all the time. They behave like children when they are together. It’s so exhausting.” she sighed.  
Remus smiled.  
“I think it’s kinda cute.”  
“Just because you’re not around them all the time.” she grumbled.   
They ate together and watched a movie after that. Remus sat on the one end of the couch, Sirius on the other. Lily and James were squeezed between them. It wasn’t a large couch.  
James yawned.  
“Well I need to get some sleep now… See you in the morning.” he said and got up.  
“Me too.” Lily said. “Sleep well.”  
She left with James.   
“I’m pretty sure they are not going to sleep now and I really don’t want to hear this.” Sirius said and got up too.  
Remus laughed.  
“You’re right.”  
They went into their bedroom together. Sirius laid down on his side of the bed. Remus looked at him.  
“So… you know I could sleep on the couch. I mean we don’t have to share a bed.” Remus said.  
Sirius shook his head.  
“It’s okay. Really… I don’t mind.”  
Remus nodded a little bit and sat down on the other side of the bed.  
Silence.  
He looked at Sirius, who was staring at the ceiling. Thinking. He suddenly sat up, looking at Remus.  
“It was a panic reaction.” Sirius said.  
Ah. So they were talking now. Okay.  
“Kissing me was a panic reaction?” Remus raised an eyebrow.  
“What? No. The me-running-away-afterwards-part was. Kissing you was well calculated.”  
“Well calculated? I’m not sure if I like that either.”  
“What I meant is… that kissing you was something that I really wanted to do. And I took my chance then when offering to drive you home. And when I kissed you… Well I realised that I really wanted to do it. And that I want to do it again. And that’s when the panic hit in. I… didn’t know what to do with all this information. So I ran off. Like a coward. I was just so scared… I still am. And I…” Sirius' voice was barely a whisper at the end.  
Remus swallowed. He reached for Sirius' hand, not sure if it was a good idea to actually take it, so he put his hand on the bed very close to Sirius’.  
“You’re not a coward. You’re really not. It was very brave of you to kiss me. I wouldn’t have kissed you, even though I wanted to do it so badly.” Remus said softly.  
He finally put his hand on top of Sirius, his heartbeat quickening. Sirius looked down at their hands and Remus could see a small smile play around those perfect lips, which made himself smile.  
But Sirius withdrew his hand from Remus’ too soon. He moved both his hands through his dark curls.  
“I’m sorry for running away. And for avoiding you. I’ve been just so confused. I still am… I… I don’t know what all this makes me.”  
“It doesn’t change who you are, Sirius. You’re still the same person. No one is judging you for who you like.” Remus said, watching him.  
Sirius laughed a little bit. It was a sad sound. A sound that broke Remus' heart.  
“Obviously, you don’t know my family.” he said in a cold tone.  
Sirius looked at his hands, tangled in each other. Remus took his hands and untangled them carefully.  
“You don’t have to tell them, you know? You don’t have to tell anyone. It’s okay.” Remus assured him.  
Sirius looked at their hands again, then up to meet Remus' eyes.   
Remus could see the fear, the confusion in his eyes. But there was something else, something small showing in his eyes. It was hope.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beach trip!!

Part 5

Remus and Sirius talked almost the whole night. They laid down at some point, staring at the ceiling, still holding hands.  
“You’re studying psychology, right?” Sirius asked him.  
“Yes, right.” Remus said.  
“What do you want to do when you graduated?”  
Remus turned around to lie on his side, watching Sirius.  
“I want to work with troubled children, help them with their problems, help them to have the chance of a better life.”  
Sirius turned his head to look at him.  
“You’re perfect for this job. You’re a good listener. And you’re ambitious.”  
Remus blushed a bit.  
“Well, there is still a lot to learn even after I graduated” he said “And there is all that legal stuff I have to learn, so I know what I can do and what I can’t, you know?”  
Sirius nodded.  
“Still. As I said, you’re ambitious.”  
Remus smiled at him.  
“Thank you.”  
“Nothing to thank me for. It’s just the truth.”Sirius said.  
No one spoke for a while, both of them lost in the others eyes.  
It was Sirius who looked away first, he looked back up to the ceiling.  
“So… I know you’re working and not studying, but you never told me what you’re actually doing.” Remus said in a low voice.  
Sirius sighed.  
“Yeah, right. I know. I’m working in my family's business. It’s an import and export company. We have a department in the town, that’s why I moved. My parents want me to manage it, so that’s what I do.”  
“You don’t sound very fond of it.” Remus detected.  
Sirius laughed, a sad laugh again. That laugh Remus only heard, when Sirius’ family was mentioned in one or another way.  
“That’s because I’m not.” he said “It’s mostly legal what we do. But just mostly. And there is my name on the papers, so if anything goes wrong and someone finds out about the illegal exports and all that, it’s my head that rolls. And all those endless meetings and the paperwork… It’s just so boring. It’s just not me, you know?” he turned his head again to look at Remus.  
“Then why are you still working there?” he asked.  
“Because it’s what I’m supposed to do. It’s my family's business and therefore it’s also mine.”  
Sirius swallowed.  
“And… if I’d quit… My parents wouldn’t let me see my brother ever again.” Sirius admitted. “And I can’t leave him alone. He already doesn’t talk to me because I moved out. I had to and he knows it, but still… he’s angry and… disappointed.”  
Remus looked at his eyes, he could see the pain that the whole situation caused him. It was so visible on Sirius’ face right now.  
“You know they can’t separate you and your brother. If you want to see each other, you can do this, even if they don’t like it.” Remus said gently, his thumb moving over Sirius’ hand to soothe him a bit, at least he tried to.  
“You don’t know them. He’s 17. He can’t just walk away. And even if he could, he wouldn’t. They have their ways to make him stay. And they know that I do whatever they want as long as Regulus is within their reach. I have some control over what happens to him the way it is right now. And if I have to do things I don’t want to do to keep him safe, then that’s what I do.” Sirius said in a determined voice.  
“Okay.” was all that Remus said.  
The way Sirius looked, the way he talked, it was impossible for Remus to change Sirius’ mind. Not at the moment. And he didn’t know all the details, even though it already sounded pretty bad. But he wouldn’t push Sirius.  
“If you had the chance, what would you do in lieu of working in your family's company?” Remus asked instead.  
A small smile appeared on Sirius’ face. He shrugged.  
“You don’t want to know. It’s silly.”  
“I bet it’s not. And I really want to know. I wouldn’t have asked otherwise.”  
Sirius was biting his lower lip, thinking.  
He was quiet for some time. Remus just watched him, his hair falling perfectly around his head, his chin moving slightly while he was chewing on his lip.  
“I… I want my own café. I mean… It’s stupid. I don’t know a thing about this stuff, but I just have this idea of a small café, with a small menu, daily changing special offers… And I’d love to hang some paintings of local artists on the walls. And they are for sale. Maybe some paintings from art students from the university, to help them with their career, you know?” he looked at Remus, a glint in his eyes.  
“That…” Remus started to say.  
“I know. It’s stupid. Forget it.” Sirius interrupted him.  
“No. That sounds amazing, Sirius. It really does.” Remus finished his sentence.  
“And all the things you don’t know, you can learn them. Trust me.”  
Sirius looked at him.  
“You think it’s a good idea?” Sirius asked him unsure.  
“It’s a wonderful idea. And it’s even better when it makes you happy. You deserve to be happy.”

Remus woke up the next morning with Sirius' arm on his chest. He looked at Sirius, who was still asleep, his mouth slightly open, looking like some kind of angel.  
Remus smiled to himself.  
Sharing a bed was a damn good idea, he considered.  
Sirius' hair was falling into his face and Remus pushed it carefully out of his face, he didn’t want to wake him, but he really wanted to touch his beautiful hair. He wanted to touch it from the moment he had first seen him in the coffee shop.  
Sirius' eyes opened. He looked a little startled.  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you…” Remus whispered.  
Sirius smiled at him.  
“ ‘s okay.” he said sleepily.  
And instead of pulling away and sitting up, Sirius moved a little bit closer to Remus.  
Remus started to move his hand through Sirius’ hair again. Gently and carefully. He still wasn’t sure if it’s okay, but Sirius didn’t pull away. Sirius closed his eyes again.  
“How did you sleep?” Remus asked after a while.  
“Hmm… Really good to be honest… Can’t remember when I slept that good the last time. You?”  
“Same.” Remus smiled. “We should get up soon…. I already heard James in the kitchen.”  
Sirius grumbled a bit, but then nodded. Remus moved away from him reluctantly, sat up and stretched his arms. Sirius' eyes followed every movement, he smiled.  
“You enjoy the view?” Remus asked, grinning a bit.  
“I do, indeed.” Sirius said, sitting up himself.  
Remus got up, he was still fully dressed. Neither of them undressed last night, they just fell asleep.  
“Hm… I’m going to take a shower first... “ he said, picking some fresh clothes.  
“Okay. I’m going to make us some tea, if you’d like?” Sirius said, still sitting on the bed.  
“I’d love some tea. Thank you.” Remus smiled at him, then went into the bathroom.  
He turned on the water, undressed and stepped under the water.  
He couldn’t stop smiling.  
He didn’t sleep much last night, but he didn’t care. He wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.  
They were cuddling.  
Cuddling!  
The whole night.  
He could never have imagined that everything turns out so well. Not after the last three weeks of not talking.  
After he finished his shower, he got dressed and brushed his teeth. Remus looked out of the small bathroom window. It was a beautiful day already, the sun shining bright in the sky.  
It’s going to be a wonderful day.  
He walked into the living room and stopped midtrack.  
Sirius was standing outside on the porch, Remus could see him through the window. Sirius’ hair was up on his head in a messy bun, which means Remus could see his delicate neck. A beautiful neck. A neck that definitely needs to be kissed at some point.  
“It’s beautiful outside, isn’t it?” Lily interrupted his thoughts.  
“Eh… yeah. It is.” Remus said, blushing a bit.  
Sirius was turning around, his cigarette between his lips, and looked at Remus through the window. Remus smiled at him, Sirius smiled back.  
Lily stood there, watching them carefully.  
Remus cleared his throat.  
“Okay. I’m starving.” he said.  
“Breakfast is ready, we just waited for you.” she told him.  
They went into the kitchen and sat down. Sirius came back in moments later.  
He put a cup of tea in front of Remus and sat down next to him without a word.  
They ate their breakfast, planning the day ahead of them.

Remus stepped outside, the warmth hitting him unexpectedly. He stepped down the porch and catched up to Sirius, Lily and James. They all wanted to spend the day at the beach, enjoying the sun and the good air.  
“Too bad it’s still too cold to go actually into the water.” Lily said  
Remus nodded.  
“Yeah. The water looks perfect though.” he said.  
“Talk for yourselves, I’m going into the water.” James said, grinning at Sirius “You come with me?”  
Sirius grinned back at him.  
“Hell yes, of course I am.” he said.  
Remus shook his head, smiling.  
“You’re in Re?” Sirius asked him.  
Remus' heart skipped a beat at the sound of the nickname. Sirius hadn’t called him Re before. Remus liked the sound. He liked it a lot.  
It took him a little bit too long to answer, what caused him a funny look from Lily.  
“Ehm… No. I don’t want to freeze to death. Thank you very much.” he said.  
Sirius shrugged.  
They soon sat down into the sand, not very far from their small house.  
Remus moved his hand through the sand, feeling the sand grains on his skin.  
Sirius watched him, then did the same.  
“You know… I’ve never been to the sea before.” he admitted silently.  
Remus looked at him, Sirius had that sad little smile on his face again.  
“Isn’t your family like insanely rich?” James asked bluntly.  
Sirius laughed.  
“Yup. But my parents never had a thing for family holidays.”  
“Sorry to hear this, but… does that mean you’ve never built a sandcastle before?” James asked.  
Sirius nodded.  
“Oh well then." James said and got up again “Would you give me the honor to show you how to build the perfect sandcastle?”  
“The honor is all yours.”  
They went closer to the water where the sand was damp. James explained what Sirius had to do, then they started building a sandcastle.  
“Sandcastles are a serious business for James, aren’t they?” Remus asked Lily.  
She nodded.  
“He’s obsessed with them. He builds at least one every time we’re at the beach. They are pretty good to be honest, but I’m glad he found a new victim so I don’t have to build it with him.”  
Remus grinned.  
“Seems like Sirius is having fun though.” he said, watching the two boys.  
“Can you imagine? Never going on vacation with your family? What kind of family doesn’t want to go on vacation together? Especially if they have the money to afford it.? Lily said.  
“I know. I think his childhood wasn’t easy. His life still isn’t easy…” Remus said, considering everything Sirius had told him the night before.  
“I got the same impression.” Lily agreed.  
Remus kept watching him. Sirius' hands were loaded with sand, carefully putting more sand on what seemed to be the outer walls of the castle, his tongue sticking out through his lips in concentration. Sirius looked up at James, who explained something with excessive hand gestures. Sirius nodded, talking back to James, then both started working on the sandcastle again.  
Remus looked at Lily, who was watching him.  
“What?” he asked.  
“Nothing.” she said smiling.  
Remus narrowed his eyes.  
“What is it?” he asked again.  
Lily shrugged.  
“You like him.” she sated.  
“Yes. We’re friends.” Remus said.  
“That’s not what I mean.” Lily said.  
Remus remained silent. Lily was too good at observing for his liking sometimes.  
James and Sirius came back to them, after they finished their castle, both wearing a huge, boyish grin on their face.  
Remus liked that grin on Sirius’ face, he liked seeing him happy and untroubled.  
“You sure, you don’t want to go into the water with us?” Sirius asked him, while he pulled his shirt over his head.  
Remus swallowed slightly at the sight of the shirtless Sirius in front of him.  
“Oh I’m 100% sure.” he said.  
Sirius shrugged and then got rid of his shoes, socks and jeans.  
Remus watched him as he and James walked to the water, both only wearing their underwear.  
“We should have thought of bringing towles.” Lily said.  
Remus nodded. He tried really hard not to stare too much, though it seems he wasn’t very successful.  
Sirius and James walked into the water, not even flinching once as the cold water hit them. They didn’t stay in there for a long time though.  
“Oh my god, it’s freezing!” they heard James say as they walked back to Lily and Remus.  
“Told you so.” Remus said grinning.  
“I liked it.” Sirius said.  
He reached for his shirt and pulled it on again. It sticked tight to his still wet torso.  
“We should go back to the house, so you two don’t get a cold.” Lily said as she rubbed her hand over James’ back gently.  
Remus got up.  
“You’re right. Let’s go back.”  
James took Lilys hand and they started walking back. Remus waited for Sirius, while he picked up his remaining clothes.  
“Did you enjoy your swim?” Remus asked.  
“Yes, it was really nice, a little bit cold, but that’s fine, really.” Sirius answered.

Back at the house James and Sirius took a shower while Lily and Remus prepared some tea and snacks. Remus put the four cups onto the table on the porch and sat down. He faced the sea. He really could get used to this view.  
Sirius took a step outside, his hair still wet from the shower, dripping slightly. Remus could also get used to this view, really.  
He smiled at Sirius.  
“Sit down, we made some tea.” he said.  
“Thanks.” Sirius said and sat down.  
He pulled out a cigarette and lit it.  
“You’re stressed right now?” Remus asked, remembering when Sirius told him he only smoked when he was stressed out.  
Sirius shrugged.  
“I’m always stressed to be honest. That’s why I’m such a bad sleeper.”  
Remus nodded and watched Sirius taking a pull from his cigarette. He blew out the smoke slowly. It was mesmerizing, really.  
Remus took his cup of tea just to do something. Something to distract him from those perfect lips around the cigarette.  
They sat in silence for a while until James and Lily joined them outside.  
Lily sat down on James’ lap, he put his arms around her, pulling her closer. James kissed her neck, Lily smiled.  
“We need to do some grocery shopping again and cook dinner later.” Remus said.  
“Right.” Lily said.  
They sat outside for a while, James and Lily cuddling, and all of them talking and laughing. It was a good day.  
They had to do the shopping and cooking eventually. Lily made them a fantastic dinner, spaghetti bolognese, and after the boys had cleaned the kitchen, they all watched a movie together.

Remus and Sirius walked back to their room together, when they decided it was time to get some sleep. Remus changed into his pyjamas, he looked at Sirius, who looked at him shyly. He could be shy? Sirius could be shy?  
“What is it?” Remus asked.  
Sirius didn’t say anything for a moment, just looked at Remus’ eyes, then at his lips and back to his eyes.  
“You know I kept thinking about… That kiss ever since? And… I wondered if you… maybe…” Sirius bit his lip.  
Remus frowned.  
“Wait… Are you trying to ask me if I want to kiss you again? Because the answer to this would be yes.” Remus said as he sat down on the bed, looking at Sirius.  
“Yeah?” Sirius asked him, still a bit unsure of himself.  
Remus nodded.  
“Yeah.” he said and reached for Sirius’ hand. He squeezed it gently.  
Sirius moved closer to him, not looking away from Remus’ eyes. Remus put his other hand on Sirius’ neck, moving his thumb up and down slowly, tenderly. Sirius closed his eyes, enjoying the gentle touch, the closeness. Remus moved a little bit closer, putting his forehead against Sirius’, he closed his eyes too. All he could feel now, all he could smell, all he could think of was Sirius. His heartbeat increased markedly, he wondered if Sirius could hear it. He must hear Remus’ heart beating, it was so loud.  
Finally Sirius closed the last centimeters between them, his lips touching Remus’ lightly, it felt like Sirius was still asking if it was okay. If all of this was okay. So Remus answered his unspoken question. He pulled Sirius closer with his hand on his neck, intensifying the kiss. Remus kissed him, showing him it was okay, it was more so much more than okay. Showing him it was good and it was right and it was everything Remus wanted. He could feel Sirius easing up, leaning closer, moving his lips against Remus’. Remus couldn’t help but smile and Sirius felt it of course. He pulled back slowly, just a little bit so he could see Remus’ face. Sirius' cheeks were flushed and Remus smiled even more at that sight.  
“What?” Sirius whispered.  
Remus slowly shook his head.  
“Nothing. I’m just... I’m just happy. Really.”  
“Me too.” Sirius said and found Remus' lips again.

They kissed and talked and kissed again throughout the whole night. They slept little, so Remus was tired the next day, but he was happy. It was almost impossible for him to stop grinning like an idiot. Lily caught him smiling more than once, but she didn’t ask, she just looked knowingly at him. Oh this girl… She’s just way too smart and observant. And Remus loved her for it. It was raining the whole day, so the four stayed inside for most of the time. They played board games they found in the house. Remus learned that both, James and Sirius, were very competitive. So Monopoly ended in a war between them (honestly, Monopoly always ends in a war in one way or another). But it was much fun for Remus to watch it. Sirius stuck his tongue through his lips in concentration when it was his turn to roll the dice, like if he just stared hard enough at the dices he can influence them. And it worked more than once, what made James furious.  
“What the fuck?! How do you even do this?!” he said, throwing his hands in the air in frustration as Sirius bought the last train station. He owned all four now.  
“Magic.” Sirius said grinning, winking at Remus.

“I’m not up for cooking today. Let’s go to a restaurant.” Lily said. “And then to a bar! I want a fun night with my boys.”  
“Your boys?” Remus said, raising an eyebrow at her.  
“Yup. That’s what you are now. My boys. Accept it sweetheart.” she stuck out her tongue at Remus.  
So that’s what they did. They found a small restaurant and had good food. After that they went into a bar together. They were sitting at a small table in the corner of the room, it was pretty crowded and noisy. Remus liked the whole atmosphere. It was a good night, a good day actually. James bought them the first round of drinks, he had lost a bet to Sirius.  
“To a good night and an even better weekend. I’m glad you invited me.” Sirius said, holding up his glas.  
“Cheers.” Remus, Lily and James said in unison.  
Remus smiled at Sirius, then took a sip of his drink.  
A girl with dark brown, curly hair appeared at their table after a while. She smiled broadly at Sirius, she had a stunning smile, Remus had to admit. He didn’t like to admit it though. She looked up at Sirius through her dark eyelashes.  
“Hi. I’m Lucy.” She introduced herself to him.  
“I’m Sirius. Nice to meet you.” he answered politely.  
“You’re not from around here, are you? I would’ve noticed you before.” she said.  
Sirius smiled genuinely at her.  
“No I’m not. Me and my friends are here for holiday, actually.” he told her.  
Sirius introduced them to her, Lucy just smiled at them briefly, then looked back at Sirius.  
“So how did you like it here so far?” she asked him, touching his arm slightly.  
“It’s great here. And it’s getting better every moment, really.” Sirius said.  
Wait… Was he flirting with her? Is he really flirting with her or is Remus just imagining it? Remus felt sick suddenly.  
He tried to ignore them for the rest of the time, looking at the glass in his hands. He tried to ignore her touching Sirius every five minutes. He tried to ignore Sirius laughing at her stupid jokes. He tried to ignore Sirius talking eagerly to her, showing her something on his phone, their heads pretty close to each other.  
Remus felt sicker every minute.  
“I need some air.” Remus said to Lily, smiling at her, what he hoped looked happy.  
“Do you want me to come with you?” she asked him worriedly.  
Remus shook his head.  
“I’ll be back in a minute. Don’t worry. Really.” he said.  
Remus headed for the main door and stepped outside. It was raining lightly, he took a deep breath, enjoying the rain falling on his skin. He tried to calm down a bit.  
He was standing outside for two minutes when the main door opened again and someone stepped outside.  
“Remus?”  
Remus turned around and looked at Sirius.  
“What are you doing here?” he asked Remus.  
“I needed some air. Go back inside. You seemed pretty occupied.” Remus said sharper then he meant. God, he hated being jealous. He’s never jealous. Why now?  
Sirius felt the tension between them obviously because he asked: “What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”  
Remus shook his head.  
“No. Everything is perfectly fine. Thanks.” he said, not very convincing even to himself.  
“Tell me.” Sirius demanded.  
Remus laughed desperately.  
“You want to know what’s wrong? There is a beautiful girl in this bar, who is not so low-key flirting with you. And you? You’re flirting back. And that’s fine. It’s okay. Really” Lie. “It’s just… I thought maybe you liked me. That the last two days maybe meant something to you. Like they did to me. But if not, that’s okay.” Lie. “Then maybe I just imagined it. Okay. And it’s fine if you just needed to find out who you are, who you’re attracted to, just please, stop playing with me. Stop kissing me, if it doesn’t mean something to you. Stop kissing me if it’s just for fun. Because I like you. I like you a lot.” Truth. “And knowing that I’m just someone you’re having fun with like that girl in the bar… It hurts. So stop playing with me, Sirius. I get over you eventually, don’t worry.” Lie, again. “And now I’m going back to the house. You go back inside and… do whatever it is you want to do. I don’t mind.” Lie, Remus minded a lot.  
Remus stood there in the rain, pouring his heart out to the boy across from him.  
Sirius looked at him, stunned.  
“I didn’t even notice she was flirting with me. And I didn’t flirt with her on purpose… I’m sorry Remus. I really am….” Sirius said, coming closer to Remus.  
Remus took a step back and shook his head.  
“I want to go back now. Really…” he said.  
“Let me come with you, Re.” Sirius pleaded softly.  
Remus looked at him. He looked sorry and worried. Remus nodded.  
“Okay… I'll let Lily know.”  
He took out his phone and wrote to Lily:

_I’m on my way to the house. Don’t feel well. Need some sleep._

She answered immediately.

_Wait, I’m coming with you. I’ll be outside in a sec._

_Don’t worry, Sirius is walking me. I’m good, Lils, don’t worry. Enjoy your night, we talk tomorrow. Love you._

_Okay. Take care. Love you too._

Remus put his phone back in his pocket.  
“Okay.” he said and started the way home.  
They walked in silence the whole way, both of them lost in their own thoughts. The moment they entered the house, Remus felt a hand on his shoulder.  
He turned around to look at Sirius, who was biting his lip, looking guilty.  
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” he said.  
Remus shrugged.  
“It’s okay. As I said, just stop playing with me.”  
“No. No listen. I wasn’t playing with you. What happened the last few days… I’ve never felt so good in my life. I was the happiest that I have ever been. And I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’d never hurt you, Re… Because I like you too. A lot. I really do. I never intended to do more than talking with her at the bar. Really. I didn’t realize I was flirting. You mean a lot to me. And I don’t want to lose you. So please… Forgive me for being a stupid moron? Please?” Sirius looked at him, his stormy grey eyes reflecting the moonlight.  
And Remus just… melted. He melted on the spot. How could he not?  
He pulled Sirius closer to him and kissed him gently, putting his arms around Sirius’ waist. Holding him close.  
“So… Am I your boyfriend now?” Sirius asked, his lips still touching Remus’.  
Remus laughed.  
“I fucking hope so.” he said and kissed Sirius again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is an encounter with Sirius'family here, so some bad stuff happens. Please son't read it of it makes you feel bad or anything. Take care of yourself!

Sirius dropped Remus off at his house. He looked at Remus, expectantly. Remus smiled at him, then turned around to Lily and James, who were sitting on the backseat.

“Thanks again for this trip. It was perfect. I really needed to get out of the town for some time. Thanks for persuading me.” Remus said.

“Told you so.” Lily said grinning “I’ll call you tomorrow. Good night.”

James just nodded, half asleep, his head on Lily's shoulder. It was already late at night. Remus turned back to look at Sirius.

“Thanks for driving me home…” he said to him.

“You’re welcome. Sleep well, Remus.” Sirius said smiling.

“Good night…” Remus said as he opened the door.

He stepped out of the car, looking at Sirius once again before he closed the door. He waited until the car was gone before he entered the house quietly. He didn’t want to wake up his mom. Remus went to his room and let himself fall onto his bed. He stared up at the ceiling, this annoying smile, that he wore all weekend, creeped back onto his face. He couldn’t stop smiling.

Remus talked to Lily the next morning after the night at the bar. She was concerned of course. She had already figured out that there must be something between Remus and Sirius. She didn’t say it aloud, though. Remus knew she knew. But he was happy that she didn’t ask him to tell her. He couldn’t. He would have loved to tell her everything, but Sirius was not ready for it yet. And Remus accepted it. Of course he did. Also it was kind of nice to have their relationship just for them. At least for now. 

Remus pulled out his phone, when it rang. A new message from Sirius.

_I’m back home now. I already miss you._

Remus smiled like an idiot for a whole minute before he replied.

_I miss you too. I don’t want to sleep alone._

Sirius’ answer came immediately.

_Neither do I. You have to work tomorrow, right? I could pick you up afterwards, if you’d like? We could have some dinner together?_

Having dinner with Sirius sounded like a really good idea.

_Sounds perfect. Pick me up at 8. At my place. I need a shower first. Getting rid of all the smells._

_Okay. Can’t wait for tomorrow. Good night, Re. x_

_Good night, Sirius x_

Remus fell asleep with his phone still in his hand, smiling.

Remus stepped out of the shower when the door rang. Moments later there was a soft knock at the bathroom door.

“Sweetheart, Sirius is here.” Hope told him.

“Ehm… Yeah. Thanks. Tell him I need five more minutes.”

“Okay.” she said and walked away.

Remus hurried to get ready. He stepped out of the bathroom some minutes later. He came into the living room, where Sirius and his mom were sitting on the couch, talking.

“I’m sorry. I worked longer, but now I’m good to go.” Remus said, looking at Sirius. 

When his stormy grey eyes met Remus’, his heartbeat increased at once.

“Don’t worry. I had good company.” Sirius said smiling.

He stood up.

“Okay Mom. Don’t wait for me, yeah?” Remus said.

Hope got up too, she smiled.

“Have a good evening, honey. Have fun.”

“I will, I promise.” Remus answered “Let’s go.”

He took his keys and walked outside, Sirius following him. Remus waited for Sirius to unlock his car, then got in. He took a deep breath and looked at Sirius.

“Hi…” Remus said in a low voice and reached for Sirius' hand.

“Hi.” Sirius said grinning stupidly at Remus. 

Remus had to grin back the same way. He squeezed Sirius’ hand lightly and Sirius squeezed his hand in response.

“So, James is at Lilys’ today. I thought we could order some take away and then just watch a movie or something? We have the whole flat to ourselves.”

“Sounds lovely.” Remus answered.

The idea of having Sirius just for himself for a whole evening was… irresistible.

“Okay, good. Because I already ordered food and it must be ready any minute.” Sirius said and started the engine.

“You ordered already?” Remus asked laughing “How do you know what I’d like to eat?” 

Sirius shrugged.

“Asked your Mom. She said you’d be fine with Thai food, so… It’s okay I hope?” he asked, a bit unsure now.

Remus smiled at him fondly.

“More than okay, Sirius. Thank you.”

They picked up their food and drove to Sirius’ flat. Remus set the table, when Sirius came to him with a bottle of white wine.

“Do you want some wine?” he asked.

“Yeah, sure.”

So Sirius opened the wine. They sat down and started eating. Remus was starving, he ate way too fast as to be considered healthy or appropriate. 

Sirius grinned at him.

“You’re really hungry, aren’t you?”

Remus nodded, his mouth still full with the food. He swallowed, then said:

“Yeah. I didn’t have time to eat at work. And this,” Remus gestured at his plate “Is the best thing I ever had, I swear.” he took another bite of his food.

They sat on the couch after dinner, their wine glasses on the couch table in front of them. Sirius had his arm around Remus. They tried to decide on which movie to watch.

“Fuck it.” Sirius said and threw the remote control away.

“I thought you wanted to…” Remus wanted to say, when he was interrupted by Sirius' lips on his.

Well this was a welcome interruption. More than welcome.

Remus pulled him closer, putting his arms around Sirius’ neck. Remus bit into Sirius' bottom lip, softly, teasingly. He felt Sirius’ smile under his lips. Sirius pushed a bit forward, so Remus had to lie down onto the couch, Sirius now on top of him.

He pulled away a little and Remus looked into Sirius' flushed face.

“You’re alright?” Remus asked.

He placed a hand on Sirius’ cheek, looking straight into his eyes. Those eyes… He’ll never get used to them. Never.

Sirius nodded and his lips found Remus’ again.

If this was what his future would look like, Remus wouldn’t complain in the slightest. Lying there on the couch, getting kissed by the gorgeous boy on top of him, Remus just felt at ease. Not a single bad thought could find its way into his endorphine flushed brain. He simply was… happy. Happy. Happy.

Remus smiled under Sirius’ lips. He couldn’t help it.

“What?” Sirius asked him, pulling away a little bit.

Remus shook his head.

“Nothing. I’m just really, really happy right now. I can’t stop smiling. That’s all.”

“I never thought I could ever say this in my life, but… I’m really content. And carefree. And I can’t stop smiling.” Sirius said and planted a small, innocent kiss on Remus’ lips.

Then Sirius sat up and Remus made a sound of protest as he did so.

“Hey! Come back! I wasn’t done yet.” Remus said pouting.

Sirius looked at him and laughed a little bit.

“You’re incredibly cute, when you look like this, you know that?” he said.

Remus sat up as well, shaking his head.

“No, but thank you.” he took Sirius' hand back in his.

Sirius took the remote control with his other hand. 

They finally decided for a movie after a while, though Remus didn’t really watch it.

He pushed Sirius' hair away a little to reveal his neck. He started to kiss his neck gently, causing the other boy to shiver slightly.

Sirius closed his eyes and tilted his head to one side, so it was easier for Remus to reach his neck.

“I could do this the whole night.” Remus said in between kisses.

“Then don’t stop.” Sirius said, enjoying the attention obviously.

Remus smiled. God, his cheeks are going to hurt tomorrow from all this smiling.

They finished the movie, but both of them couldn’t really tell what it was about. They didn’t really watch it, most of the time they were kissing each other, enjoying the proximity.

“Do you want to sleep here? I don’t want to sleep alone again…” Sirius said into the silence.

Remus looked at him.

“I’d love to.” he said.

Remus texted his Mom, that he won’t come home tonight, so she wouldn’t worry.

They cleaned up the couch table, then went to Sirius' room together. Remus had never been in here before. He looked around.

On the left side stood a queen size bed, the sheets still unmade. The travel bag, which Sirius had with him on the beach trip, still unpacked on the ground next to the foot end of the bed. On the right side next to the window, there stood a wooden writing desk with a pile of papers on it, neatly stacked. Sirius’ laptop sat open in the middle of the desk, next to it a pen and paper, where Sirius must have scribbled down some thoughts. 

Beside the door stood a dresser, it looked old. Remus' look fell on a ring lying on the dresser, he moved closer to get a better look. It was golden, twisted on the sides before the gold built the holding for a matt, smooth, dark black stone. The stone was large and the whole ring seemed to be heavy and too large for a woman's hand. Remus felt the urge to touch it, but he held back. Sirius was watching him.

“It’s an heirloom. I just keep it because my brother gave it to me before I moved out. It’s actually his. If my parents knew he gave it to me… Well, I don’t want to think about what they would do.” he said in a small voice.

Remus looked at him, Sirius’ expression was unreadable.

“It looks nice.” Remus said.

Sirius laughed a little bit. A sad laugh.

“Yeah. And I bet there is much blood on this stupid ring.”

Remus kept looking at Sirius to see if he would continue. If he would share the history he thought about with Remus, but he went to his bed in silence and sat down.

Remus walked over to the bed and sat down next to him.

“Your family…” Remus started but was interrupted by Sirius immediately.

“Can we just not talk about my family?”

“Yeah. Sure. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay…”

Sirius sighed.

“It’s just… My family is complicated. The goddamn situation is complicated. My whole childhood was complicated. And there is nothing I can do about it.” he said, looking at his hands in his lap.

“I figured out already that your relationship with your family isn’t easy, Sirius. And you don’t have to talk with me about it. Just keep in mind that I’m here to listen to you whenever you need me to, okay? And I won’t judge you or anything. I’ll listen quietly if that’s what you need or I’ll give you advice if I have any. Whatever you need, love.”

Sirius looked up from his hands at Remus at the sound of the pet name. Remus had used it for the first time he noticed and blushed.

“Thank you. This means a lot to me. It really does, Remus.” Sirius said.

Remus pulled him closer and kissed him.

“Any time.”

When Remus woke up the next morning the bed was empty. He hadn’t noticed the moment Sirius had left. He had been fast asleep.

Remus yawned and then got up. He put on his pants, yawned again and went into the kitchen. He needed some tea.

Sirius was already in the kitchen, preparing breakfast. He turned around as he heard Remus enter. Sirius did enjoy the sight in front of him: a still sleepy Remus, his hair a mess, standing in every direction, his movements slow. Remus walked to Sirius, leaning into him, his head on Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius put his arms around Remus and laughed a little.

“Good morning.” he said.

Remus just mumbled something incoherent back at him. That made Sirius laugh again.

“Okay. Sit down. Tea is ready.” he said and moved Remus to the table.

Remus sat down.

“Thank you.” he said as Sirius gave him a mug. 

Remus smelled at it. Hmm. Earl Grey. He smiled. 

Sirius walked back to the stove and turned it off. He took two plates from the cupboard, distributed their breakfast on them, then came back to Remus. He put the plate in front of him.

“Here. I hope you’re hungry.” he said and sat down.

Remus looked at his plate, then at Sirius, who smiled at him.

They both started eating.

“This is so good, honestly.” Remus said, still chewing.

“It’s just scrambled eggs.” Sirius laughed. 

“Accept this compliment, would you? Thanks.” Remus said looking at Sirius fondly.

Sirius rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hide his smile.

They cleaned the dishes together after they had finished their breakfast. They stood close to each other, their shoulders touching.

“I have to visit my family next week.” Sirius said into the silence.

Remus looked at him, tried to read Sirius’ expression but he kept hiding most of his feelings behind a mask.

“When? And for how long?” he asked.

Sirius shrugged.

“I have to be there on Thursday evening, so I’m leaving around noon, I guess. My mother planned some family dinner. She informed me yesterday. My presence is mandatory. Her words, not mine.” Sirius explained.

“And when do you come back?”

“Sunday. At the latest.” Sirius kept scrubbing on the plate in his hand.

Remus put the tea towel aside and turned Sirius around, so he had to face him.

“Hey,” Remus said softly “It’ll be okay. You can call me. It doesn’t matter if it’s late or if it’s early. Just call me when you need to, okay? Promise me you’ll call me, when you need to.”

Sirius looked Remus straight in the eye, thinking about his words, processing.

He then nodded.

“Okay, I’ll call you. I promise.” Sirius sighed “I want to try to talk to Regulus. I… he didn’t talk to me since I left. I have to find out if he’s okay…” 

The worry about his brother was obvious in Sirius’ voice. 

Remus put his hand on his chin and kissed him gently, then he said: “You’ll find the right words and then he'll talk to you. He gave you his ring before you left, didn’t he? I bet he misses you.”

Sirius nodded.

“You’re right. It’ll be okay, won’t it?”

Now it was Remus' turn to nod.

“It’ll be okay.”

Sirius had called Remus on Thursday before he left his flat. He dreaded to visit his parents, Remus could tell from his voice, but he also clearly wanted to see his brother.

“Call me after your family dinner thing. I don’t care if it’ll be late. I’m staying up.” Remus said and tried to calm Sirius a little bit. His words didn’t have the hoped effect, though.

“I call you later, Remus.” Sirius said simply, then hung up.

So Remus was lying in his bed now, staring at the ceiling and waiting for his phone to ring. He checked it every other minute. It was already 9:30pm. How long can a dinner take?

Remus sighed. 

Sirius was okay, wasn’t he? Maybe he talked with Regulus right now. Maybe they are sitting in Sirius’ room, talking with each other, laughing about some stupid joke he made. Remus really hoped that’s what he did right now. He really hoped he didn’t still have to sit at the dining table, pretending that he’d care about his family's business.

An hour later his phone rang eventually. He answered it in seconds.

“Sirius?”

“Remus…” his voice sounded tense.

“Are you okay?” Remus asked worriedly.

Silence.

“Yeah. Yeah I’m okay.” he didn’t sound very convincing.

“Are you really?”

“I really am okay. Just exhausted. Don’t worry. I’m fine.” Sirius sighed.

“Okay… Did you talk with your brother?”

“No, not yet. He didn’t even say hello when I came back. I don’t know what happened over the last weeks, Re. He doesn’t look good… He’s thin. And pale. He… I have to help him…”

Remus swallowed. He wished he could hold Sirius right now. He knew Sirius felt miserable for not being there for his brother. Even if it wasn’t his choice. And he wished he had an easy solution for him on hand.

“I try to sneak into his room later. He can’t run away then.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Remus asked doubtfully.

“No. But I did this before and it worked every time. First he’s mad and then after a while of cursing me, he’ll talk to me. So… Maybe it’s a good idea. I don’t know.” Sirius sighed again.

“Well… If it worked before, it’s worth a shot.” Remus reassured him.

“Right.”

Silence again.

“So… Your family dinner was fine?” Remus asked.

He never could have imagined Sirius’ reaction to his question. Sirius started laughing, a loud, honest laugh.

“Yeah. Kind of. My cousins were invited. And my younger cousin introduced her fiancé to us. A blonde, pale guy. He’s weird, honestly. But he fits into my family, I guess. I don’t know why she would marry him.” Sirius laughed again.

Remus had to smile at that laugh.

“I hope you didn’t tell her that.”

“Oh I wish I had. But no. I didn’t want to start a fight yet.”

Yet.

“No. Sirius no. You don’t start a fight with your family. You hear me?” Remus warned him.

“I try my best not to. I promise, Re.” Sirius said and Remus could hear his smile in his voice.

“Okay, good.” Remus said.

He shook his head slightly. 

“I…” Sirius started to say, but stopped.

“You…?” Remus asked.

“Nothing. I just… I like you. A lot. And I already miss you.”

“I like you too, Sirius. A lot. I promise.” Remus smiled “And I miss you too.”

“Okay… yeah… So… I guess I try to talk to Reg now. I’ll write to you later and call you tomorrow, Re.” Sirius said.

Remus sighed.

“Take care of yourself. And sleep well later, love.” he said, still worried.

“Good night, Remus.” Sirius said and hung up.

Remus put his phone away. He sighed again.

Sirius sounded okay, didn’t he? He was good. He was… Oh screw it. Remus was worried. He didn’t know much about the Black family, but the few things Sirius had told him weren’t good. And Remus knew it only scratched the surface. Sirius hid his past most of the time.

Remus stood up from his bed, walked around his room and sat down again. There wasn’t much he could do right now and he had to work tomorrow, so he should really try to get some sleep.

Remus took his phone again and texted Sirius.

_I’m off to bed now. Please don’t hesitate to call me when you need me, okay? Try to get some sleep. I miss you. Can’t wait until you’re back home. xx_

Remus put his phone away and closed his eyes.

He woke up the next morning, two unread messages from Sirius on his phone. The first one said:

_Okay, Re. Sleep well. I miss you too. xx_

The second one he had received in the middle of the night:

_Remus I talked with Reg until now. Damn it, I hate my parents. I really do. I’ll call you tomorrow, when I have some time to talk. My parents planned a lot of stupid stuff for us. I try to sleep now, but I’m not sure if I can. I’m way too agitated right now. I wish Reg would have talked with me earlier. I miss you and I would love to talk to you right now, but it’s late & I won’t wake you up. I’m okay, don’t worry. I miss you. I wish you’d be next to me. xx_

Remus sighed. He wrote to Sirius:

_Good morning, I hope you did get some sleep in the end. I know you’re a bad sleeper. You could have called me, I told you that. I have to get ready for work now. Write to me so I know you’re okay._

Work was hell that day. Remus was worried, the restaurant was full and the guests rude. He checked his phone in the short break he had, but there was no new message from Sirius. This really didn’t help to ease his mind.

Okay, Remus had to try to concentrate on his work, he had so many guests and so many orders. It helped a little bit to occupy his mind, but he still thought about Sirius every other minute.

Remus went into the kitchen and took a sip of his water. He took a deep breath. His shift was finally over and he was so exhausted, he could fall asleep on the spot.

Remus looked for his phone. Five missed calls from James. 

Damn it.

Remus called him back at once. James answered within seconds.

“Hey Remus. Are you at home?”

“No I’m still at work. But I wanted to go home now, why?” he asked.

“It’s… It’s Sirius. He came back an hour ago. And he looks bad. Really bad and he won’t talk with me about it. I’m worried… He’s in his room. I don’t know… You two are friends, maybe he talks to you? Can you try to talk to him?”

Sirius was home. He was already home. And he looked bad.

Remus swallowed hard. His exhaustion vanished.

“Yeah… Yeah I’m on my way.” he said blankly.

“Thanks Remus… I try to talk to him again.”

“No. Let him be for now. I do what I can okay? Just leave him alone.”

“Okay… See you.”

Remus hung up. He collected his belongings and started walking to James’ and Sirius’ flat.

What had happened? Sirius didn’t start a fight with his family, did he? No. Remus had told him not to. But he was supposed to be home on Sunday, not on Friday, so something clearly must have gone wrong. And James sounded pretty worried.

Remus walked faster, he almost ran. When he reached their apartment, he was out of breath. He rang and James let him in.

“Hey Remus…” James moved his hand through his hair, he looked concerned “Sirius is still in his room…”

Remus nodded and headed straightly for Sirius’ room. He knocked softly, then opened the door before there was an answer.

“James, I told you to go away.” Sirius' voice came from under his bedsheets.

“It’s me. Remus.” he explained.

Sirius sighed.

“Then go away Remus. Please.” Sirius' voice sounded brittle.

“I’m not going anywhere, Sirius.” Remus said softly, sitting down on his bed.

He saw a movement from under the bedsheets, Sirius was moving away from him. Remus swallowed.

“Sirius… Please... “ Remus said desperately.

“I said I don’t want to talk.”

“You don’t have to talk with me. I just want to see you. I just want to be here for you.” Remus said, trying to calm Sirius, trying to show him that he could trust Remus.

He sat there for a moment, thinking his words didn’t have any effect on Sirius, when he finally appeared from under the cover.

Sirius sat up, leaning on the headboard, not meeting Remus' eyes. 

Remus swallowed hard as he looked at Sirius' face. There was a dark purple bruise on his left cheekbone, his bottom lip had a cut and was swollen badly.

Remus knew better, but he reached out to touch Sirius’ arm, he couldn’t help himself. Sirius flinched away from his hand. 

Remus let his hand fall back into his lap instead.

“Sirius… Did your brother do this?” he whispered, his eyes not leaving him.

Sirius shook his head slightly.

They sat in silence, Remus just watching Sirius, Sirius breathing uneven and irregular, obviously fighting a fight inside him.

When Sirius' mask finally fell down and the tears started, Remus' heart shattered into a thousand pieces.

He moved closer, slowly and carefully. He didn’t want to frighten Sirius any more. He placed his hand on Sirius’ shoulder. The other boy moved away for a second, then leaning into the touch cautiously. Remus put his arm around his shoulders and pulled him a little bit closer, holding him.

And Sirius cried. He cried without a sound, but Remus could feel it, his shoulders moving up and down, shaking. And Remus' heart broke a little bit more with every shiver.

“I… I’m a grown man. But when she becomes like that, when I just see her, I feel like I’m five years again. And I let her do whatever it is that she wants to do.” Sirius whispered, his voice filled with tears “I hate this. I hate me for not being able to stop her, I…”

His mother. His mother did this to him. How can a mother do this?

Remus hated her with his whole heart for hurting him, for making him feel bad about himself, even though he clearly didn’t do anything wrong.

Remus pulled him a little bit closer.

“No, love. This isn’t your fault. It really isn’t” Remus said reassuringly.

He held Sirius until there were no more tears to come.

Remus moved a little bit, so he was facing Sirius, who still didn’t look at him. He put a finger under his chin, carefully so he won’t hurt him, and moved his head up, so Sirius had to look at him.

Remus looked into red rimmed, stormy grey eyes, the trouble very visible in them. The self doubt. The pain.

“Screw her. Screw her for being so mean and stupid. Just screw her. She doesn’t know how perfect you are, Sirius. How good you are. I love you. And nothing’s ever gonna change that.”

He meant it. He loved him. And he promised to himself to do anything he could to protect Sirius. To protect the beautiful, hurt boy in front of him. He’d do anything to help him get away from his toxic mother, his toxic family.

A small smile appeared on Sirius’ lips.

“You love me?” he asked with some cockiness in his voice.

Remus smiled and nodded.

“Yeah. I do. I really do.”

“I love you too.” Sirius said quietly.

Remus kissed him gently, almost not touching him, so he wouldn’t hurt him.

They sat there, holding hands, Remus stroking Sirius’ carefully. And after some minutes, Sirius opened up to him and told him what had happened.

Regulus had told him that his parents had planned for him to become a part of the family business, which wasn’t a surprise. But they built too much pressure on him and with Sirius away, there wasn’t anyone he could talk to. Sirius got angry and the next morning he talked to his parents. Told them, they should just let Reg finish his school, let him find a job that he wanted to do, let him just be whoever he wanted to be. And his parents started arguing that it’s a family company and Regulus is their son, so he had to be part of all this. Just like him. And that was when a switch flipped in Sirius' head and he started to yell at them that he didn’t want to be part of all this, that they both didn’t want that. From there on everything went downhill. Sirius packed his bag after his mother had let him go and ran outside, leaving Regulus behind. He hated himself for doing this. Leaving his brother in the chaos of what their family is. But he had to leave. For his own good.

Remus was just glad he made it back home safely.

He stepped into the living room, where James and Lily sat on a couch. James must have called her. Remus sighed and sat down on the other couch.

James looked at him expectantly.

“He… He’s going to be okay.” was all Remus could say.

Sirius appeared some moments later, his eyes still red rimmed, his face looking terrible. He sat down next to Remus, putting his arms around his torso, resting his head on his chest. Remus put his arms around Sirius’ shoulders, holding him.

“We’ll figure something out, love. I promise.” he said softly, kissing Sirius on the top of his head.

James watched the two of them, his look confused. Lily whispered something into his ear, clearly telling him what was going on between Remus and Sirius.

James' mouth fell open for a second before he started smiling.

And that’s how James found out about them.

_**One year later** _

Sirius pushed him against the wall, gently. His arms on each side of Remus’ head. He kissed him teasingly.

They could hear the ring of the doorbell and without pulling away, Sirius shouted: “We’re still closed!”

“I don’t care. I need a damn coffee.” a very familiar voice said.

Remus looked over Sirius shoulder to see a younger version of him standing there. Regulus stood there expectantly.

Sirius sighed and turned around.

“You know how the coffee machine works. I’m not your servant.”

Regulus rolled his eyes at his brother, but walked behind the counter to make his coffee. Sirius started kissing Remus again, when Regulus said: “Can you two lovebirds let it be for like one second? I haven't had breakfast yet.”

Remus smiled. He loved the bickering between the two of them.

“Yeah, shut up.” Sirius said, but helped Reg when he had trouble with the coffee machine.

After the incident with Sirius’ mother, they talked about everything and they came up with a plan. Sirius had already saved a lot of money, so he bought a small café. He quit his job at his family's company and blackmailed his parents, that if they would do anything about it he would tell the police about the illegal weapons and the drugs. And then it’s not only the police who would be looking for them, but also the drug barons. And they clearly wouldn’t want that, would they? James moved in with Lily, so there was a spare room that was taken by Regulus as soon as Sirius had broken with his parents. Remus still lived with his mom, but he was at Sirius’ apartment for most of the time now anyway.

“Okay, I have to go now. There are some children who need my help.” Remus said, kissing Sirius on the cheek before he walked to the door.

“Remus?” Sirius said.

Remus turned around.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” Sirius said smiling.

“I love you too.” he said with the same smile on his face.

There was still a lot to do, but all in all their lives were good.


End file.
